Last Minute School Anxiety Tips

Leon County schools restart this Monday, and as a pediatrician in Tallahassee, I am hearing than many children (and parents) are feeling the grip of anxiety. With so many changes, such as masks and new drop-off rules, it is appropriate to feel some level of anxiety. Here are a few tips to cope with the new changes and the new school year:

1. Talk to your child about the changes

If you haven’t already, talk to your child about the changes. Younger children (like elementary school) will need these in more concrete terms, while older elementary, middle, and high school children may want to discuss topics more deeply. Sometimes this discussion is easier over a snack or a meal.

For example, you might say to your first grader, “School is starting tomorrow. You are going to get to see friends and your new teacher. School is going to be a little different this year. Teachers and kids will be wearing masks, and you will need to have your temperature checked every morning, but after a few days, the new changes will start to feel normal. What do you think about that?”

(It is sad for our kids that this will be the new normal for a time.)

For younger kids, give them the facts, and then wait and see how much more they want to know (if any).

2. Validate worries

It is totally appropriate to feel anxiety about this new school year as there are so many changes. If your child expresses worries about the new year, validate their concerns before telling them they will be okay.

To a first grader, you could say, “Jennifer, you are right. It is normal to feel sad that your best friend won’t be at school this year. But you know what? We will try to arrange playdates with her outside, AND remember all the new friends you made last year at school?”

3. Plan some special rewards

Looking forward to something special after school can help your child make it through the day. Consider rewarding your child for the first few days of school with a joint activity that includes one-on-one parent time. Examples are baking, doing a puzzle, playing chess, exercising, or going out for ice cream.

4. Practice anxiety-forming activities

If your child voices concerns about new procedures, such as getting his or her temperature checked or school drop-off, then practice these with your child. Practice should be just playing a make-believe or pretend game.

For example, if you child is nervous about getting her temperature checked everyday, explain to him or her how it will happen. Then ask your child who would they like to be, the adult or the child? Then act it out a few times, maybe even trading places. You can do the same for school drop-offs and walking into the classroom.

5. Contact your school’s guidance counselor and/or pediatrician

If you have spoken to your child and practiced everything, and the anxiety or fear is just overwhelming, then I recommend speaking to your school’s guidance counselor or pediatrician for more help. Most schools can make exemptions for children who are significantly affected by anxiety. For example, the school may be able to provide a consistent person for car drop-off. Sometimes it may help to have a note or a call from your child’s pediatrician.

In general, going back to school is going to be beneficial for so many kids. The lack of social interaction has been very hard on children and their families. But for many kids, Monday is going to be a tough day. Some kids will not make it out of the car, AND THAT IS OKAY, just make sure and contact your school’s counselor and/or your pediatrician.

Good luck everyone! Message me with questions or comments!

I’m Nervous about Tweens and Teens getting easier access to Online Pornography with the Increase in Virtual Schooling

Dangerous websites, such as pornography, are just one Google search away from our children.

The exponential increase in children opting for virtual school will give children unsupervised access to the internet like we have never seen before. The computers that they will be using to access virtual classes and homework, give anyone access to anything on the internet.

And parents, including myself, don’t think that our eleven year-old would ever start looking at pornography. I mean, where would he or she get the idea? How would they know what to search for? And wouldn’t I find out?

But let me tell you, as a pediatrician and the parent of tweens, our kids are finding this stuff. In the exam room, many teenagers have confidentially shared what they have seen and watched online–and it’s not healthy. And not just teenagers but preteens as well!

And online pornography is dangerous for the mental health of our children, much like the pornographic magazines of the 80’s and 90’s, but even more so. There are many harmful effects of pornography on the childhood brain, and I will briefly review two here:

Online Pornography is Unhealthy

First, like a drug, Online Pornography is Addictive

Online pornography acts like a drug on our brain. Online porn scenes cause rapid and high levels of dopamine to be released into the brain. And just like a drug, teens who engage in online pornography will want more and more exposure to more and more provocative images, to experience this rapid and high level of dopamine release into the brain. This can lead teens to “waste time” on their computer, spend less time with their friends, and become lonely and depressed.

And recent research has shown that this effect is more pronounced on the teenage brain!

Second, Online Pornography can lead to Sexual Dysfunction

As adults, we know that pornography scenes are staged and fake, but children will take what they see as normal. This can lead to unhealthy expectations in their sexual encounters and can also lead to sexual dysfunction. And as “addicted” children watch more and more graphic pornography, they will have trouble with “normal” sexual function in a “normal” encounter.

What Can You Do? “CPR”

There is no perfect solution. If not at our own home, our kids may be exposed to dangerous websites at a friend’s home or on a friend’s device. But the best strategy consists of three tiered approach I call “CPR”:

Communicate with your child about the dangers of the internet.
Physically monitor potentially dangerous internet use.
Restrict internet or device access to dangerous websites.

1. Communicate with your child about the dangers of the internet.

This is just like other important conversations that we will have with our children: sex, drugs, alcohol, and now add the internet. Depending on your children, around 9 to 11 years of age, I recommend sharing your views on the good and bad of the internet with your child. And if you don’t know what you believe, do some research. Read about how pornography, screen time, meeting strangers, etc. can all affect your child.

2. Physically monitor potentially dangerous internet use.

Most of the time, you can restrict your home internet or your child’s device from having internet browser (Chrome, Edge, Firefox, etc) access, but sometimes you can’t. If your child needs to access his virtual classes through a browser, then you have no choice but to allow internet browser access. But, you only need to allow them access to this device as necessary, and try to physically monitor what they are looking at. You cannot be there 100% of the time, but make sure that their device or computer is in a public area where you or other family members can easily see what they are doing. I strongly recommend against allowing a child to have internet browser access alone in their room.

3. Restrict internet or device access to internet browsers

It is much harder on computers and still very difficult on tablets and phones, but try to use parental monitoring software, like Apple’s Screentime, Google’s FamilyLink, or Disney’s MyCircle to completely block browser access. For example, with Apple’s Screentime, you can choose what apps your child has access to. If you really feel like they should be able to “browse” the internet, you can download child-friendly apps and browsers that allow you “whitelist” only certain websites that your child can visit.

Life with tech is tough

Technology has made our life better in so many ways, but it has definitely made it difficult to keep our children from being exposed to harmful material. Our parents had to make sure we didn’t have Showtime or HBO access as kids, but the internet is a whole new monster. And now that thousands of children will be spending thousands of hours online, we parents need to be proactive and protect our children. Our tween and teens will put up a fuss, but we need to do what is best for them.

Advocate for Change

One last thing we can do is advocate for our children. Ask your teachers and schools to include all their material in one internet location. For example, if a teacher requires a student to watch a video on YouTube, then you must leave YouTube unblocked, and your child will have access to anything on YouTube. But, if your school places all of their educational material on their own website or portal, then you can restrict YouTube access, protecting your child from potentially harmful material.

My Son Quit Baseball Before Try-outs

My 12 year-old son quit baseball before try-outs on Saturday. We have had a few experiences of signing-up our kids for a sport, followed by them complaining about going to practice. So the Thursday before try-outs, my wife, Trish, had a conversation with Wesley to see how serious he was about baseball. She explained to him that we are a very busy family (she is a new tenure-track FSU professor, and I am starting a new pediatric practice), so it will be hard on our family to get him to all the games and practices, but if he was committed to playing baseball, we would support him and make sure he can play.

Well, he decided he did not really want to play.

I am pretty bummed. I myself enjoyed playing baseball all through elementary, middle, and high school, and I enjoyed watching Wesley play and practicing with him. And baseball was my father’s favorite sports, so we had a lot of good father-son baseball moments. At Winthrop last year he played third base and hit okay. The year before he had been his team’s best pitcher. I think he has had a lot of fun playing baseball and experienced much growth over the last few seasons.

Initially the disappointment led me to feel upset at my wife, that she had talked him out of playing baseball. But after more thought, many questions surfaced, and after thinking about these questions, I am convinced Trish did the right thing. Some of these questions were:

Is it my fault that he doesn’t want to play more? Maybe I did not play catch with him enough? Is participating in sport so valuable and important that we should really push our kids to play? Wesley already plays soccer for RAA Middle School and wants to run track, so how much sport should he (or kids in general) play? And he loves fishing, he could fish all day every day. So is playing a sport more important than other less physical activities or less competitive activities, such as fishing, playing an instrument, chess, or pottery?

So here are some of my thoughts (and what I was reminded of after looking through some of the research): Yes, playing a sport is valuable, and can be very beneficial in many ways, but it’s not NECESSARY for a child’s success. I know a lot of people are thinking “duh,” but when you played sports all your life (and grew-up in Texas or Florida), this is very hard to grasp–even for a pediatrician!

Research shows that, yes, kids who play sports do usually get more exercise than kids who participate in other activities such as chess or fishing, but in almost every organized, goal-oriented activity, children will learn to face challenges, to work together, and to have fun. So if a child does not play a sport, but participates in non-aerobic activities, such as chess or fishing, then the child needs to find a way of developing a life-long consistent exercise habit–such as hiking or biking.

So in our case, our son does not really need another sport. He gets his exercise through playing outside, gym (which he has all year at RAA), soccer, and track. And he is serious about fishing, which is teaching him how to improve himself, learning about new techniques, work as a team, and hard work (he helps me clean the boat after fishing). Trish instinctively knew all these things. I just have a hard time getting over the primacy of sport.

Which reminds me, I haven’t done much for exercise myself this weekend, I should walk my dogs. Until next time!