Month: February 2020

School Lunch With My Son

Had a great time having lunch with my son at his elementary school last Thursday.  I did suffer temporary hearing loss (I forgot how loud elementary cafeterias can be!), but I can hear again.

But really, it was great to see the smile on his face when he saw me (and when he saw the Jersey Mike’s subs in my hand).   I cannot believe that this was only my second time visiting him for lunch this school year! I have decided that I am going to commit to going once per month!  (which really doesn’t seem like much, does it?)

Did you guys know that there is a debate as to whether it’s good for parents to have lunch with their children?  Some schools discourage parents from having lunch with their kids, and they have good reasons. Some parents have brought food for their child and their child’s favorite students, making other children left-out.  Some parents have shown-up and fed their children or made sure they ate all their food, which does not allow their child to learn food independence (though I’m sure there are some children with eating disorders that would benefit from their parent coming for lunch).  But I think that most of the time, it is good for a child to see that his or her parents will go out of their way to come have lunch with them at school.

This reminds me of some interesting research.  It is generally more meaningful to children when their parents engage with them more times per day for shorter durations (think 3 to 5 minutes), rather than just one or two longer engagements.  I think lunch with your child is like this. It’s loud, it’s hard to hear what your child is saying, but it shows that you care, and you took time out of your busy day to spend time with them. They are only around for so long!

Electronics-Free “Unstructured” Play Time for Kids

We struggle with limiting electronics and getting our kids to play outside. Recently, we spent a beach weekend with two other families and their kids, and we enforced a “no electronics rule.”  We got some push back from the kids, and some kids still did sneak their video games, but it was great to see them running wild on the beach, making lots of noise, and playing games like we used to play, like tag, pretending, and building sand castles.  They enjoyed old-fashioned, outdoor “unstructured” play.

I believe that getting our kids outside and experiencing “unstructured” play is worth the struggle.  Studies have shown numerous physical and mental benefits to outdoor unstructured play. Since kids have to “find” something to do, it helps creativity.  Since they have to work together to make a fun game, it helps cooperation and behavior.  Since there is not a screen giving them constant feedback, outdoor play helps develop attention.  And since there is not a constant barrage of stressful and intense gameplay, outdoor play has also been found to improve anxiety.

I am not saying that video games are all bad.  Video games have their benefits too, like improved spatial awareness and planning, but if your kids are like mine, I do not have to struggle to make sure they get enough time in front of the screen.

So join me in the struggle!  The struggle to get our kids outside having fun!

My Son Quit Baseball Before Try-outs

My 12 year-old son quit baseball before try-outs on Saturday. We have had a few experiences of signing-up our kids for a sport, followed by them complaining about going to practice. So the Thursday before try-outs, my wife, Trish, had a conversation with Wesley to see how serious he was about baseball. She explained to him that we are a very busy family (she is a new tenure-track FSU professor, and I am starting a new pediatric practice), so it will be hard on our family to get him to all the games and practices, but if he was committed to playing baseball, we would support him and make sure he can play.

Well, he decided he did not really want to play.

I am pretty bummed.  I myself enjoyed playing baseball all through elementary, middle, and high school, and I enjoyed watching Wesley play and practicing with him. And baseball was my father’s favorite sports, so we had a lot of good father-son baseball moments. At Winthrop last year he played third base and hit okay.  The year before he had been his team’s best pitcher. I think he has had a lot of fun playing baseball and experienced much growth over the last few seasons.

Initially the disappointment led me to feel upset at my wife, that she had talked him out of playing baseball. But after more thought, many questions surfaced, and after thinking about these questions, I am convinced Trish did the right thing. Some of these questions were:

Is it my fault that he doesn’t want to play more? Maybe I did not play catch with him enough? Is participating in sport so valuable and important that we should really push our kids to play? Wesley already plays soccer for RAA Middle School and wants to run track, so how much sport should he (or kids in general) play? And he loves fishing, he could fish all day every day. So is playing a sport more important than other less physical activities or less competitive activities, such as fishing, playing an instrument, chess, or pottery?

So here are some of my thoughts (and what I was reminded of after looking through some of the research): Yes, playing a sport is valuable, and can be very beneficial in many ways, but it’s not NECESSARY for a child’s success.  I know a lot of people are thinking “duh,” but when you played sports all your life (and grew-up in Texas or Florida), this is very hard to grasp–even for a pediatrician!

Research shows that, yes, kids who play sports do usually get more exercise than kids who participate in other activities such as chess or fishing, but in almost every organized, goal-oriented activity, children will learn to face challenges, to work together, and to have fun.  So if a child does not play a sport, but participates in non-aerobic activities, such as chess or fishing, then the child needs to find a way of developing a life-long consistent exercise habit–such as hiking or biking.

So in our case, our son does not really need another sport. He gets his exercise through playing outside, gym (which he has all year at RAA), soccer, and track. And he is serious about fishing, which is teaching him how to improve himself, learning about new techniques, work as a team, and hard work (he helps me clean the boat after fishing). Trish instinctively knew all these things. I just have a hard time getting over the primacy of sport.

Which reminds me, I haven’t done much for exercise myself this weekend, I should walk my dogs. Until next time!